What Do Nice Guys, Gentleman And Even Bad Boys ALL Have In Common?

What do nice guys, gentleman and even bad boys all have in common?

UnderstandMenNow.com We Need To TalkNo it’s not penises. Well actually they do have that in common, plus this… they don’t push the sex agenda with someone they RESPECT. That’s right, they don’t push sex early on when dating. In fact, they might even hold off kissing in the first few dates.

So ladies…

If he’s not trying to jump your bones right away. If he’s not trying to get you in the sack. If he’s not trying to slurp your face.

Chances are he respects YOU.

Now here’s a few ways how you can tell.

  • If he’s listening to you (I mean really listening).
  • If he’s getting to know you as a friend (your conversation flows equally and effortless).
  • If he’s asking you out (yes, he made plans for another date).

These are good signs he’s into YOU and RESPECTS YOU.

So make note of this right now. Post it on your refrigerator. Store it in your memory banks.

Men who RESPECT women view you as relationship material and not just a roll in the hay.

To help you out, let me share something from my personal experiences.

Early in my dating life after my divorce, I found myself in whole new territory. My belief was that AMAZING chemistry was the key to relationship success. If a date was going great and there was lots of chemistry, I didn’t see any problem having sex on the first date. Now let me just say that there’s nothing wrong with having sex on the first date. And many relationships have started that way. But for me, literally the next day after sex I felt no emotions towards them.

How could this be, we had tons of chemistry? Chemistry must equal love, right?

Here were women I barely knew and we had so much chemistry it was mind blowing. But what I realized in the morning, since I hardly knew them, was that I had no feelings for them one way or the other.  It took me about a year or so of dating to realize that chemistry doesn’t lead to relationship success. In fact, the more intense the chemistry the more it would crash and burn.

So let’s fast forward 5 years, 2 transition relationships and hundreds of first dates.

In 2010, I met my beloved.

Our first contact was an internet connection; we met on Facebook. We had tons of mutual friends and we were both in the relationship business. In fact, she was a well respected doctor who had her own T.V. show. After a few comments on Facebook threads and posts, we decided to chat on the phone. For me the conversation was magical. Because she carried herself with class and charm, I had respect for her.

Maybe it was because it was a little professional.
Maybe it was because we could relate to our life experiences.
Maybe it was because it was light and flirty.
All I knew was, I wanted to get to know her.

As we were about to end our first chat, she let it slip she just broke up with a guy. In my head I said, “Bummer” – as I knew she wouldn’t be ready to date… YET. In a way, it took romance off the table so we could get to know one another as friends. A few weeks went by with a few text messages and emails. The day came when I knew she was ready to date. Can you guess how? One of my daily duties as a dating coach is to review online profiles. As luck would have it, there was her profile on Match.com. In fact, it turns out she had just signed up the very day I saw her.

So I emailed her…nothing fancy, just a “Hi,” even going so far to tell her “I’ve got a crush on you.” She said “ah that’s sweet, but I don’t think we are a fit.” In the midst of getting ready to commit hari kari, I said “Let’s meet as friends.” She said, “Okay.” In fact, I called it a friendship date. No pressure, just friends. In many ways because I respected her, I knew I didn’t want to blow it. Taking the sex agenda off the table allowed me to do a few things.

A) I got to know her as a person.

B) I got to see if we were a fit.

C) I got to tell if we really liked each other as friends.

Now here’s the thing about nice guys, gentlemen and bad boys.

In fact, I talk about this in my eCourse The Relationships Men Commit To and Why.

Nice guys usually don’t have enough self confidence, so they please way too much, believing that being friends is demonstrating respect so they don’t blow it. Gentleman, on the other hand, respect everyone and know that relationships are not a sprint. Plus, they don’t want to blow it. Bad boys want love, attention, affection and regular sex and when they respect a woman, they usually don’t want to blow it. When we men are relationship ready, we really don’t want to blow it.

So there you have it, men who respect women want sex, but we take our time getting to know you cuz we don’t want to blow it.

4 Responses to What Do Nice Guys, Gentleman And Even Bad Boys ALL Have In Common?

  1. Barbara Hunt February 20, 2013 at 12:36 pm #

    I love this! And appreciate you for sharing your personal mistakes and successes. Both help us women understand you guys making things much more simple. Men keep telling us women that they are really not all that complicated, but you know us women – we will make it complicated if we can!

  2. Jonathon Aslay February 20, 2013 at 12:41 pm #

    Thank you Barbara, personally I feel like I have made every mistake most daters will make or I’m the guy you dated who wasn’t emotionally ready. Learned through the school of hard knocks and success too.

  3. Sue Bock February 20, 2013 at 2:54 pm #

    Nice to see men who respect women actually have a place out there. Keep educating those men and women.

  4. Deanna April 4, 2013 at 5:23 pm #

    Great blog Jonathon. I agree completely, especially since I have a similar story! :) The friendship that grew between myself and my husband happened long before the romance and the passion. It became the foundation for an amazing marriage so far. The development of the friendship really allowed me to experience a much deeper trust for him which made all the difference when we arrived at the romance stage of our relationship.

Leave a Reply