So when it comes to dating, mating and relating, what makes a man really worthy of your mind, body and heart?

Have you heard of sponge-worthy? You know, that Seinfeld skit about whether or not a man is worthy of “The Sponge.”  With a scarcity of a popular contraceptive device called The Sponge, Elaine must decide if the man she is dating is worthy of using one of her last precious gems.

Now what about babysitter-worthy? Single or divorced mothers today faced with the high cost of babysitting services are now doing some real soul searching before committing to a date with a new man and forking out the big bucks for a babysitter.

So what about Google-worthy? You know, typing in your own name and coming up on the first page.

Would you date a man who isn’t Google-Worthy? If he’s not on Google, is he date-worthy?

Recently while chatting with a group of single women I heard the most astonishing comment. One of the women shared with the group why she rejected a date with a man for not finding him anywhere on Google. What, nothing? Nope, not a thing. How can anyone go their whole lives these days without anything digitally printed on Google? She went on to say she wouldn’t date a man who she couldn’t do a little Google background check. She said single women need to be ultra careful and a little homework never hurts when dating men with no references or referrals.

So with the billions and billions of digital posts about everything in the world, what are the chances a person doesn’t have one mention on Google? Facebook or Twitter accounts all show up on Google. Maybe a high school graduation mention or a picture on Instagram. How about a donation to a political party?

Something usually comes up when you type in your own name, so what about someone you want to date if he isn’t Google-Worthy?

Is it a red flag if a person isn’t mentioned on Google these days (if so, why)?

What is your prerequisite for meeting someone you know nothing about?  How much time and energy do you or should you put in meeting a potential romantic partner (especially before you give your mind, body & heart)? If you are meeting someone from an online dating site, how much do you trust the profile?

Have you ever wondered how men shift from being self contained to partnership in relationship?

Let me share my personal story to give you a clue.

So it turns out I’m 37000 feet in the air traveling home from New York City, NY as I begin to write this blog. The reason why I went to NYC was to tape a segment for the Katie Couric Show. Yes I’m telling truth, not only did I have the honor of being on her show, I got a chance to chat with her personally. WOW! what a terrific lady and a true sweetheart. None of this ever would have happened if it wasn’t for my beloved Dr. Sheri Meyers.

That’s right, Sheri was asked to be on the show and she suggested that I be included for the segment which will air on June 27th. Now I would love to tell you all the topic, but it’s hush hush.

Ever since our relationship began over 28 months ago, I’ve learned the meaning of partnership. You know what I’m talking about, being in a relationship with a partner.

A person who shares their life with YOU.

A person who includes you in their daily activities.

A person who has your back.

A person who believes in teamwork.

Yes teamwork, that ability to work together for a common good. Working together for a win win.

So let me ask you, have you ever experienced this… partnership and teamwork in relationship?

What does it feel like when you’re in a relationship with partnership and teamwork?

Does is feel good? Do you feel you can let go of control? Do you feel less alone?

Personally, I never really experienced this feeling of teamwork before I met my beloved. Maybe I was selfish, maybe I was self contained, but I didn’t know teamwork. It wasn’t until I began dating Sheri, did I learn the meaning of teamwork. Now, I look for the win win for both of us in everything we do. She taught me this and I want to share with you what she did.

First off, it began with our friendship. As friends we communicated our hopes, our fears and our dreams. This free and open communication allowed for trust to form. Trust allows us to lower of walls. Trust removes our armor. Trust allows our heart to open.

For me, my heart burst wide open because she absolutely trusted me from very earlier on in our relationship. She wasn’t suspicious. She wasn’t checking up on me. She wasn’t looking over my shoulder while I was on the phone. Even when I “liked” a picture on facebook of someone from the opposite sex, she never said a thing.

Women in the past acted and displayed distrust which kept me blocked.

Trust for me was HUGE and it allowed me to sink into the relationship.

Second she accepted me. That’s right, she accepted me for who I am and didn’t try to change me. She knew my business was a start up when we first spoke and she wasn’t expecting me to take her on lavish trips or fancy dinners. She didn’t look at me for what I couldn’t provide, she appreciate me for what I could bring to the table.

Most women didn’t accept me in the beginning of dating and you could see & feel their agenda which kept me closed off.

Because she accepted me, my actions matched my words and teamwork began to form. The more I felt accepted and the more I felt our friendship forming, I naturally gravitated towards teamwork in our daily life.

It started off with simple things like taking out her trash or feeding her dogs in the morning. Then this teamwork grew, like when I helped her find an editor for her book or when she needed me to go to her on a doctors appointment. Teamwork is how our partnership was developed.

Most men struggle with teamwork in relationship and that’s why many of you are frustrated. Men usually start off very self sufficient and don’t think about partnership. Teamwork is rarely in their vocabulary, especially if a woman has her own agenda.

When a man feels friendship and being accepted, they begin to value you. This is when they shift towards teamwork. Men learn teamwork through your acceptance and friendship because this is when we can let our guard down, this is when we let go of control.

Teamwork is how partnership is developed. When you’re in a partnership, the relationship just feels better. Am I right?

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Do you want partnership in your relationship?

If you answered yes, I would like to help.

My next Spotlight Coaching call will be centered around Men, How to Create Teamwork In Your Relationship. CLICK HERE

Join now to receive a 20 minute private coaching session with me and your invitation to my bi-monthly group coaching calls.

Each month I host 2 topic driven coaching calls where you can ask questions directly to me ($750.00 VALUE).

In addition, there is a private forum on facebook to have daily access to me and other heart centered Angels.

Have you ever had something to say to your guy, but you weren’t feeling seen, heard and understood?

This is very common in romantic relationships and men often shut down or become void when a woman has something to say. If you have something on your mind and you want to share it, done incorrectly can sometimes lead to power struggles or fights.

A simple “honey, we need to talk” can turn into World War III for something like “I’m not in the mood tonight.”

For most communication to be effective, it’s not what you say, but how you say it.

When it comes to getting through to a guy, remember the following: conversation, not confrontation. Confronting a guy is the quickest way to a defensive posture and being closed off to anything you say. The more you talk, the more he shuts down and shortly thereafter can turn into a fight which is a no win for either of you.

For example: my girlfriend the other day felt taken for granted because I didn’t pitch in helping with some chores around the house. Instead of jumping on me and screaming her disappointment, she began the conversation in a very loving way. First she asked me if I was open and available to talk. The importance of this is to make sure I was going to receive what she had to say. She then began to express her feelings in such a way that I could tell it was a “we” problem and not a “me” problem. Her tone was very loving (even though I knew she was upset), but she focused on getting her point across without a power struggle or fight. Being calm and knowing I was open is usually the best way to get through to me and I’m sure your guy too. The truth was that she was right and I had taken her for granted, which deserved an apology on my part.

Whenever she has something to say to me, she starts in a very calm manner and she usually knows in advance the outcome she wants. For this reason, she is seen, heard and understood by me because her goal is to share her feelings without getting into a fight.

Sometimes there are some touchy subjects that need discussion and knowing just how to handle those talks can make all the difference between uniting together or worse, breaking up. Knowing the best way to get through to your guy, can save your relationship. The last thing you want is him pulling away or worse, asking yourself “why he disappeared” because of something you said.

We Need To Talk ~ Bringing Up The Touchy Subjects is a program my beloved Dr. Sheri and I developed to help you have those tough conversations. In this program you will learn the 3 P’s to successfully navigate any conversation which leads to healthier communication.

So just remember, the next time you have something to say, here are 3 things you should do: start the conversation off calm & loving, think conversation, not confrontation and remember it’s a “we” problem, not a “me” problem. You’ll be glad you did.

Have you ever dated a man who left you and then became committed to another woman?

If yes, was he by chance going through a transition in his life?

You know what I mean, a guy who might have been struggling and then turned his life around. He might have been starting a new business, he might have been going through a tough divorce or he might have been in between jobs. He either way, you met him during his transition.

You being the nurturer, you stood by him during this time. You didn’t care if he couldn’t pay for dates. You didn’t mind paying for vacations. You listened and opened your heart when he talked about his ex. You supported him in his new endeavors. In fact, you were his greatest cheerleader.

Then all of a sudden, he leaves.

The minute his life is turned around, the minute he can stand on his own two feet, the minute he doesn’t need you anymore… poof he’s gone.

Jonathon, this is lame! Why does this happen and how can I turn it around?

Glad you asked and I have your answer.

In fact, PART 1 of the Why Men Pull Away ~ 3 Ways To Keep Him Close workshop, a caller asked a similar question. It was around the 46 minute mark of the call and I gave the why, plus how to recognize the man who leaves vs. the man who is all in. There are several reason why men pull away, why men disappear and why men leave.

The common reason why men leave after you stand by him and fix him to become a hero to a new women is what I call: The Bright Shiny Penny

When you met your guy did he talk a good game, but his life was going nowhere? Did he have big plans, but no actions to back it up? Was he kinda down? Was his ego was kinda shot? Did you notice if his self-esteem was low? Was he not really feeling good about himself?

If all this sounds kinda familiar, did you feel used and throw away like garbage when he turned his life around and left? Did he make a commitment to a new woman right after you?

Jonathon, how could this happen? I was so there for him. I stood by him when no other woman would. What an asshole!

The main reason why he LEFT was because he was ASHAMED. You saw him at his WORST. You saw him while he was DOWN. He didn’t feel like a hero to you. He felt WEAK as a man. In fact, he questioned if you even respected him.

But Jonathon, none of that stuff mattered to me. I loved him.

Dear friend, I get it. But to a man and his ego, he doesn’t ever want to be perceived as weak. So the minute he turns his life around, the minute he’s on his own two feet, the minute he feels good about himself, he leaves to be a “bright shiny penny” to someone new.

Here’s the good news, not all men leave to become a hero to someone new. In fact, there’s really only one way to determine if he views you as indispensable when his life turns around.

Do you know what makes a woman indispensable to a man? Can you guess what keeps men “all in” after they turn their life around?

Would love to hear from you.

Have you ever been in a relationship where a man bolted the minute he became vulnerable?

That’s right, the moment he let his guard down he was gone. You might be wondering why would any man do this, leave the second he opens his heart.

How could this happen given that you’re the most loving, kind, compassionate and understanding woman out there? You’re thinking he’s safe with me to share his feelings, there’s no need to run. But here you are scratching your head wondering how could this happen (AGAIN).

You’re not the type to judge a guy for his baggage. You’re not the type to run scared if he shares his soft side. You’re not the type to make a man feel bad when he opens his heart.

You’re the girl who welcomes a man’s vulnerable side. In fact, if he cries he’s in a safe place. So how could this happen? Why would he disappear the moment he opens his heart? The answer is simple and you even know what it is…. he’s scared.

Why would he be scared Jonathon given that he knows I’m safe?

The reality my friend is this, before a man becomes a man, he starts off as a boy.

As boys we are taught to keep our emotions in for fear of being ridiculed as kids. If we ever showed emotions on the playground, we would be laughed at, teased, made fun of or picked on as the emotional kid. What’s worse, our fathers reinforced this by reminding us that emotions in public is BAD. That’s right, our greatest male role model told us it’s bad to show our emotions in public.

But Jonathon, my boyfriend has shared his emotions a lot. He’s told me about the problems with his “ex” or shared how hard it is at work. He’s told me about how frustrating it is to be a part-time parent to his kids. He’s shared a lot of his problems with me and that’s how we became close in the beginning, so I don’t understand?

Yes, I get it, it’s all so confusing.

But here’s the thing my friend, all he’s really done is share his problems.

All of these things were PROBLEMS.

There’s a big difference between PROBLEMS vs. FEAR.

That’s right, FEAR is a whole other story.

We men have all kinds of fears and we keep it tightly locked in.

But Jonathon, he’s brought me into his confidence, so he must trust me.

Here’s the thing, what’s going on in your man’s mind is the following.

Come closer to the screen, you won’t want to miss this.

Take a few quick breaths and just relax into what I’m about to tell YOU.

Here’s just a few things men fear most.

We fear needing you. because it makes us feel indebted.
We fear losing your respect, if you knew us better.
We fear not been see as a man, if we can protect you.
We fear falling too deeply, before we’re ready to fully commit.

So the minute we feel fear, we bolt. It might be for a minute, it might be a day, it might be a week… but in these moments, we need space.  Here’s the good news my friend. There are 3 things you can do to keep your man close when this happens.

In fact, as I’m writing this email, I can tell you that I felt most of these fears.

Now I’ve told you how happily in love I am. I’ve even said I’m deliriously in love. I have the biggest crush on my beloved. Over the past 28 months, we have formed a nice partnership. This relationship was built over time and trust. This trust allowed me to surrender to my fears. This trust was the result of 3 things she did that kept bringing me back whenever I…

Felt fear, questioned the relationship or wanted to retreat in my cave.

In the past when this happened, other women did the wrong things which pushed me away.

Learn what my sweetheart does that keeps me, loyal to the relationship and madly in love CLICK HERE.

Have you ever had a man you’re dating just disappear on YOU?

Let’s say you’re in a relationship with a man, maybe it’s been about 3, 6, 9 months or longer. For the most part the relationship is grand. The initial chemistry was off the charts, the emotional connect you have with him is like nothing you’ve ever experienced.

You’ve really formed a bond with this man and he’s your best friend. He has said the “L” word and he’s even hinted at long term or marriage. He states you’re like nobody he has ever dated and he wants you in his life. He includes you in much of his daily activities and you feel pretty secure.  The early stages of dating him was pretty intense and now you’ve settled into a nice routine. When you think back to your last relationship and look at him, there’s no comparison. He’s just gotta be the one.

You’ve accepted him for where he’s at in his life and support him when he has problems. Sure he has some baggage, but heck so do you.

He might be dealing with an issue at work.  He might be dealing with his “ex” wife.  He might be having problems with his kids.  He might be struggling financially.

All of these issues are weighing on him and you look at him and say “baby, I’ve got your back.”

Because he’s going through all of this, you don’t dump your problems on him. You keep to yourself and keep the pressure to a minimum. You just want to be there for him because when the pressure is off, the relationship is great.  You’re the most loving and supporting partner. His problems are your problems, because that’s what partnership is all about. You’re the prefect girlfriend and he should be grateful he has you in his life. He’s so lucky to have you, because you accept him “warts and all.”  For the most part you’re really happy and you’re waiting for things to get a just little bit better.

Then all of a sudden a shift happens.

He’s not calling as much. He’s not returning text as fast as he use to. He’s been busy and doesn’t have as much time for you. You’re still intimately connected, but you know something is going on. You give him the benefit of the doubt, because he has so much on his plate, but something is just not right.

Then the worst thing happens, he goes M.I.A.

That’s right, he’s “missing in action.”

No contact, no text, no calls, no nothing… nada.  Since you know men need their cave time, you figure it’s ok. In fact, you’ve even encouraged him to take space when he needs it.

But now he’s literally disappeared.

You might be wondering… Did I do something wrong? Is he hurt? Has he meet someone else? Is he just not that into me anymore?

You’ve been nothing but kind, loving, supportive, generous, caring and communicative. The two of you are soul-mates, he’s your twin flame.. he knows it and you know it.  But he has fallen off the face of the earth.  How could he do this to me?

You keep texting him, but nothing happens. You make up reasons for him to contact you and still no response.

Then FINALLY he reaches out to you. What seemed like weeks was really only a few days, but nonetheless it felt like forever. He says he’s sorry and just needed a little space. He goes on & on about his stuff and apologizes for blowing you off. He says he didn’t want to bother you and he needs to take care of things. He tells you not to worry, all is good.

It’s all so confusing. He says “you’re the most honest, trustworthy, loving, giving, beautiful soul, he has ever known.” You’re not very demanding and you’re a really easy girlfriend.

Now that he is back in contact, you forgive him and figure all will be good.

After a few days or weeks, something still is just not right… he’s off. The relationship isn’t the way it use to be, you feel like he is taking you for granted. You are starting to feel more and more shut out.

You might be thinking…

Why isn’t he respecting my feelings?  Why is he now shutting me out? Why is it I’m bending for him?  Why is it that I’m the giver and get little in return?

This is a common occurrence, in fact all too common.  Before a relationship gets on really solid footing, there’s going to be some bumps and maybe even a few storms.  It’s natural for a man to pull back from time to time.  How you handle these set backs will make all the difference between a DRAMATIC END or the road to deeper intimacy.

Even in my own relationship, I did a major pull back.

Yes it’s true, even though I’m deliriously in love right now and can’t imagine my life without my beloved, I did pull away (actually, more than once).

My sweetheart knew just what to do when this happened.  She handled me in just the right way and I was drawn right back to her when I pulled away. As I think back to when this happened, as a coach I took notes of how she reacted and the way she approached me, which I can now share with YOU.

In fact, there are 3 Things You Can Do To Keep Him Close when this happens to YOU.  My girlfriend did this and it might work for you too.

I’ll give you a hint, men rarely ever leave for good when they are HAPPY.  So ask yourself this, are you really happy your relationship? Then ask yourself, is he really happy in this relationship? If the answer is yes, chances are it’s only a short term bolt by him and if you don’t freak out and chase him, he’ll be back in no time.

Why You Should Put A Man Into The Friend Zone First

When I think of relationship success, I think every woman who is dating should consider putting men into the friend zone first. All too often, early relationship success is measured on whether or not there is intense chemistry. However, when you think of the happiest couples, most cite friendship as the number one reason for their joy & success.

So why aren’t more women putting men in the friend zone first?

So let me explain what I mean. I was thinking of my Facebook friend Dr. Pat Allen who says “friendship ceases after the first lay.” Does that mean once you have sex, there is no friendship? What I think she means is that if you have sex before building a foundation of friendship first, your foundation is built on the weakest link being chemistry. Chemistry in the early stages of dating is often brain chemicals running amok. Chemicals like testosterone, dopamine or even oxytocin are the contributing factor to a feel good connection when we meet someone new. When these chemicals wear off, what we are left with when no friendship has been developed is a whole lot of nothing.  If there is physical attraction for one another, spending time in the friend zone getting to know each other to determine mutual likes and compatible might serve you better than jumping into bed with someone you hardly know.

When a client comes to me frustrated over a guy she’s been dating reaches a standstill or is even going backwards, one of my first few questions are “are you good friends, how’s the friendship?” In addition, “could you see yourself married to this man for 35 plus years?” If the first answer is “no” and the follow-up is “no” my response is “why do you want this man?” Well we have chemistry and great sex.

Here’s my take: fleeting chemistry and occasional sex rarely turns into long lasting relationship. If you haven’t developed a good solid friendship, there’s no glue to hold the relationship together when bumps and storms hit. And let me say, every relationship is going to have problems and often it’s the friendship that holds it together, not great chemistry. Friendship and partnership is what endures a lifetime.

Most happy couples I’ve interviewed stated a strong friendship that attracted them in and keeps the relationship alive and kicking. So by considering a new potential partner as a friend first (hence putting him the friend zone) and developing that along with the romance, the chances for relationship success is much greater.

So here’s a question, if a man truly wants a long term relationship, why isn’t he working on friendship first?

Scaling The Walls of TRUST Can Be Daunting For Most Men

Why do men have to climb to the highest room in the tallest tower for a woman to unlock her heart?

As a dating & relationship coach for women, I’ve noticed that many women approach dating with emotional walls surrounding their heart. These walls are barriers women create, actually more like hoops men must jump through before they open up to love. From what I see, these walls are the result of women who have been hurt in the past and they carry this mistrust in all their future relationships or they don’t trust themselves and often expect a man to scale those walls for them to get the prize. From my experience, this usually leads to failure. 

Expecting a man to perform some feat of strength as to climb to the highest room in the tallest tower for her to open up to love, usually ends in failure, because most men prefer the path of least resistance. The truth about men is that we are happiest when relationships are easy and free from drama. If a woman is distrusting right from the beginning, this is usually a total turn off and seems like too much work to continue. Therefore, we quit if it seems too daunting of a task when a woman has created barriers to love.  And when this happens, women see this as another failure hence perpetuating her lack of trust. Not a good cycle.

One of my readers says:

I believe to distrust someone from the beginning stems from insecurity. However, I do try to pay attention to signs he MAY be untrustworthy… I call that discernment.

Yes that’s right, trustworthy or better yet, trustworthy acts. If a man says he’s going to call and doesn’t or if a man plans a date and doesn’t show up, those are acts (actions) to represent he can’t keep his word. Why would you want to date a man who doesn’t keep his word? You wouldn’t. So yes, pay attention to the signs and his action. If a man hasn’t given you any signs to distrust him, they why start off with distrust.

So before you choose to put walls when entering a new relationship, try the following approach I outline in my eCourse The Relationship Men Commit To and Why.

This approach is called: Dating Passionately Detached

Dating passionately detached means being open to all possibilities without any attachment to the outcome.  Imagine entering a relationship free and open to the adventure of making a new friend and just seeing where it goes without any expectation of a destination. If you went to an amusement park for the day, would you feel free to enjoy the rides without knowing how the day would unfold? Of course you would. Then why not approach dating the same way.  

If you start any new relationship without trust, you will fail. One of the reasons why most relationships fail, is because if you “expect” a man to earn your trust, most of the time he will let you down or he might leave because it’s too much work.  Men aren’t perfect and chances are he’s gonna screw up sometimes, so if you are waiting or expecting flawless behavior, rarely will he meet your needs. In addition, if you don’t trust right from the beginning, you will be subconsciously expecting him to betray you and guess what? He will.

Dating is a leap of faith and if you want love, you have to risk getting hurt… there’s no other way around it.

“Hey Jonathon, Should I be concerned that my BF “liked” a photo of a beautiful Hispanic girl’s profile pic, a FB friend he just recently friended, or am I being silly/looking into things too much? Mind you that he has never once liked a photo of mine. This is the problem with social media and having too much access into someone else’s life…I’m upset yet don’t know if I should say anything to him about it. I don’t want to come across as the jealous type. He tends to gravitate toward dark haired, dark complicated women. This is a girl he works out with at his gym…” Chrissy

If my girlfriend the therapist (Author of Chatting or Cheating) would respond, it might go something like this:

“Usually when jealousy arises it’s because we are feeling insecure. Are OTHER things also happening in your relationship that are making you suddenly feel insecure about his faithfulness? Are you recognizing there is less attention, appreciation, or affection, being exchanged? Has your relationship settled in and become a little more boring? These are not questions that I need answers for, but YOU should ask yourself. Perhaps it’s time to sit down and have a check in with you BF about how each of you feel about your relationship and how you’d like it grow and deepen.”

While my girlfriend is right on and there seems to be a hint of insecurity, there could be something else going on and here’s my take.

First off, he’s your boyfriend, right?  I am assuming you have both declared this and you’re exclusive in the relationship, right? You share regular activities together, like going to dinner and the movies. You have agreed to be monogamous sexually, right? In addition, is your relationship developing into a deep friendship? If all of the above is yes, then chances are there is nothing to worry about and this is merely a harmless “like” for a new friend.

Social media can be a tricky thing in relationships these days and the lines of friendship are getting further blurred with a simple “like” of a pic or a comment on a thread from someone who’s not your partner. This is the cause of much frustration and even insecurity. When a relationship feels off, it’s time to check in and speak up.

For example: I’m in a wonderful relationship with someone who I truly care for and cherish. She feels cared for and cherished because my actions demonstrate that, not just my words. We both are active on Facebook and I occasionally “like” a pic of a pretty woman. I also “like” quotes I see or videos I enjoy, the list could go on and on. What I also do is “like” and share pic’s of my beloved on Facebook. Our relationship is declared and we have no secrets. These are my actions that demonstrate my devotion to this relationship.

Secrecy is what I would be most concern about but if he’s “liking” someone in plain sight, then it appears to me he is open and honest.

Here’s my recommendation, do what my girlfriend suggests and have a chat with him. Check in with him in a very calm manner and find out what really is going on and share your feelings. Think conversation, not confrontation and look for the “win win” for the both of you. You’ll be glad you did.

Has this every happened to you?

He’s dating you and someone else, he keeps saying he’s not looking for anything serious, he’s dealing with a divorce, he has a drug problem, he’s still married, he’s busy with work (all the time), he only thinks of himself, he only calls for late night booty sessions, he has lots of drama in his life, he’s way too needy, he’s way too controlling, he’s bitter and jaded… the list can go on & on.

Do you see a glimmer of hope? Does his kindness and goodness come out on occasion? Are you waiting for him to step up? Are you wanting him to man up?

Based on countless conversations coaching single women whose relationships aren’t going anywhere, I’ve concluded that the average woman will invest and waste about 5.618723409 years of their life hoping a man will change.

Can you guess what happens when they figure out he won’t change?

What is about the unavailable man that is so appealing to so many women?

Why is moving on from this type of guy so difficult?