Valentine’s Day is almost upon us, and if you are reading this, you may or may not have gotten a Valentine’s Day gift for that special man in your life.

If you HAVEN’T already gotten a Valentine’s Day gift for your man yet, then you may want to check out my recent TV debut for a little inspiration. I was just in San Francisco last week filming a TV segment where I shared with viewers several fun Valentine’s Day gift ideas.

If you HAVE already gotten a Valentine’s Day gift for your man, then allow me to properly advise you on five items NOT to get your man for Valentine’s Day so you can exchange your gift before it’s too late.

1. Cologne. “Gee, thanks sweetheart…(for telling me I smell).” If he doesn’t really wear cologne, then there is a high probability that your gift will end up collecting dust in the medicine cabinet. If he does wear cologne, and you get him something that isn’t replacing what’s already in his medicine cabinet, then you’re gift could potentially be interpreted as you telling him you don’t like the way he smells.

2. A Gift Card. “Thanks darling, how thoughtful…” You may think this is the perfect Valentine’s Day gift because then he can get whatever he wants, and you don’t have to worry about getting him the wrong thing BUT you do because a gift card makes it painstakingly obvious to us that you have no idea what we like and don’t really care enough to put forth the effort figuring it out.

3. Rogaine. Luckily, I still have a full head of hair, but not all men are created equal. Getting a man Rogaine as a Valentine’s Day gift might be a little bit of an ego bruiser diminishing any youth we may have left in us.

4.  Underwear or Socks. Getting a guy under garments as a Valentine’s Day gift is comparable to getting a guy a gift card. It’s another one of those no-fail gift ideas that end up flopping anyway because of thoughtlessness behind it.

5. A Self-Help Book. However good your intentions may be, getting your man a self-help book for Valentine’s Day gift will just bruise his ego on the one day of the year when he needs it most–to please you ladies. While you may think that a book on strengthening your relationship is intended to enhance your relationship, we might actually see it as a passive-aggressive tactic to manipulate or control us.

There you have it, ladies–five things NOT to get you man for Valentine’s Day, and some fun ideas for things you SHOULD get your man instead in the TV clip I mentioned earlier.

In a few hours, I am going to be interviewed on live television for a Valentine’s Day Special on an ABC Talk-show

They say that public speaking ranks as one of the highest fears someone might face–even higher than dying.

So as I prepared for this segment, my girlfriend gave me a GREAT suggestion.

Rather than focusing on the negative, she said to me:  Say this in your mind…

“HOW COOL IS THIS?”

“How cool is this?” I remarked.

Yes, that’s right. Cool is associated with FUN. So how can there be fear when we are having fun?

I’ll let you know in a few hours if this trick works.

So, how does this relate to men and commitment? Well…

When it comes to relationships, men don’t actually fear commitment. What men really fear is making the wrong choice.

Often, people who fear making decisions tend to vacillate and procrastinate in an effort to avoid the choices they must make.

Making decisions requires confidence.

It requires a degree of certainty.

The irony is that fear of commitment may mask a desperate desire for the intimacy and security that comes from a healthy long-term relationship.

Sometimes, we fear most what we most need.

What men want most is to feel safe.

What men crave most is a sense of home.

Sometimes men get so bound up in what is wrong now, we stop looking at how things could be right…in the future.

There are many benefits, both physical and mental, to being in a healthy relationship.

Women know this, men do not.

So, what can you do?

As my sweetheart said before I left for the studio:

“HOW COOL IS THIS?”

How cool is your relationship?

How much fun are you really having together?

Do you play together?

Are you laughing together?

Men don’t fear fun, right?!

Is your relationship FUN?

Fun is a cornerstone to a healthy relationship.

When I wrote my eCourse The Relationships Men Commit To and Why, I included one key to commitment.

On page 102 of the ebook, the chapter is called: “Keys to the Kingdom”.

There are four keys.

Have you heard of them?

Can you guess what they are?

Are you thinking, or do you already know?

Without a doubt, FUN is on the top of the list.

Fun is associated with cool.

How cool is this?

How cool is my relationship?

Men have no problem making a decision when it involves FUN.

When the choice is fun, the decision is already made.

He chooses YOU!

This story got me really thinking about how women sometimes have such a negative self-image because of the way beauty is portrayed in the media. There’s so much focus on looking good to attract the right man into you life, but what happens when your looks start to fade, your hair starts to gray, and your boobs start to sag?

No matter how much Botox you inject into your lips to make them look like Angelina Jolie’s or how many boob jobs you get to make your breasts as perky as Sofia Vergara, your looks will only take you so far in a relationship. If you don’t have anything else going on for you besides your looks, then you are going to have some huge problems in the relationship department.

As visual as men are when it comes to attraction, we notice a lot more about you than the way you do your hair or your nails. If you really want a relationship ready man to notice you when you walk into a room, there are at least three qualities we look for in a woman that will really get our attention and pique our interest in you.

1. Confidence. A confident woman is a beautiful woman. The way a woman carries herself, the way she speaks, the way she interacts with others–those are the things that a relationship ready man really notices about you. It’s kind of hard for us not to notice a woman who exudes confidence.

2. Sense of Humor. Pretty faces are easy to come by, but what’s really refreshing for a man is meeting a woman with a great sense of humor. While recent studies have shown that women are typically attracted to men with broody good looks (think James Dean), researchers have actually found the opposite to be true for men who are typically are drawn to happy, smiling women. So by all means, laugh out loud when we’re around.

3. Intelligence. There’s no bigger let down for a man than a beautiful with a pea-sized brain. As visually stimulating as a woman might be, the attraction falls short when there’s no mental stimulation… or any other stimulation for that matter. A woman who is just as smart as she is sexy is a huge turn on for a man because it lets us know you have a lot going for you than just your looks.

Confidence, intelligence and a sense of humor are three qualities that speak volumes of a woman’s personality. While you may be busy obsessing over how good you look to us, we’re busy “obsessing” about what’s underneath the facade–more like observing–to see if you are the kind of a woman we just want to sleep with or the kind of woman we want to marry and settle down with.

So the next time you decide to give yourself a makeover to better attract the man of your dreams, here’s a tip: try working on your inner beauty for a change. Skip the beauty spa and read a book or learn a new skill that will make you uniquely attractive. True beauty happens from the inside out, so do yourself and the relationship ready man of your dreams a favor and make it your daily resolution to better yourself on the inside to enhance your overall beauty.

But there’s one slight problem—you haven’t had “The Talk” yet. So really, nothing is quite official until you’ve both talked about the status of the relationship. Does he feel the same way about you as you do him? Are you allowed to date other people? Can you start referring to him as your boyfriend? These are questions you may think you know the answers, but can never really know for sure until you’ve had one little conversation.

It’s a conversation that many of us put off for as long as we can in light of an old adage–If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it–under the false notion that having “The Talk” will ruin things. After all, once you’ve had the “Relationship Talk”, there is no turning back. If you say too much too soon, you do so at the risk of scaring him away. But if you put it off for too long, you may end up wasting valuable time on someone who never saw eye to eye with you to begin with.

So what’s the best way to approach the subject? Make him bring it up first. Here’s how:

Step 1: Visualize your desired outcome.
The most important thing to consider before having “The Talk” is where you want the relationship to go. Your conversation will most likely lead to nowhere unless you can decide for yourself what your expectations are for the conversation and what action you will take based on that conversation. Should you stay or should you go if things don’t pan out that way you’d like? Decide this beforehand to prepare you for a likely outcome.

Step 2: Set yourself up favorably.
When you’re trying to get something you want from someone, you always to approach the subject from a position of strength. So if you want him to be your boyfriend and to stop dating other women, than sort out all of your bargaining chips and determine what benefits he may want from you that he isn’t already getting now.

For example, he wants to start having sex with you, but you always leave just when things start to get heated. Before you know it, he’ll be the one initiating “The Talk” to find out what he needs to do to have sex with you. At this point, you can use your bargaining chips to let him know that you require an exclusive commitment before having sex with someone.

Step 3: Choose the right environment.
Two major factors that have an impact on how your guy responds are timing and atmosphere. You want to bring up the topic of your relationship status at a time when he isn’t distracted and in a place where he can actually listen to and focus on what you are saying.

In general, men are pretty approachable when they are doing mundane activities like cleaning up after dinner or when you’re coming home from the movies. Choose a time when you are feeling super connected with each other because he’ll be more receptive to discussing your relationship status when he feels particularly close to you.

Step 4: Select your words wisely.
Avoid starting the conversation with “We need to talk.” When a man hears this, his first instinct is to run for the hills. Besides, the word “need” alone gives a man the implication that you depend on him more than you should. Instead, open the conversation with a positive statement that reinforces his ego and lets him know you value his opinions. Speak to his goal-oriented mindset and approach the subject with straightforwardness.

For example, you might say something like: “I really enjoy spending time with you. What do you think about seeing each other exclusively?” If he avoids the subject or rejects the idea completely, than you’ll have a pretty good idea where you stand. If you don’t like where you stand with him, then you need to…

Step 5: Be willing to walk away.
If after having the talk you have determined that the relationship isn’t going where you want to go it, you have to be willing to walk away without going back on your word. Give him some time to really contemplate the prospect of being in a relationship with you. Besides, once you are no longer around, he’s either going to miss you or forget all about you. All you really can do at this point is be patient to see where he stands.

If you don’t hear from him or he doesn’t want to talk about his feelings, it’s probably because he doesn’t feel the same way about you. If, on the other hand, he continues to call you and take you out, then you are back in a position of strength for a better outcome. Play your cards wisely this time.

Step 6: Seal the deal with a kiss.
Once you can both agree on the status of the relationship, ease into things slowly by gradually starting to refer to him as your boyfriend so you can give him time to adjust emotionally. But the moment he starts falling back into old patterns, you may need to consider ending the relationship so you can be free to find a truly relationship ready man.

We all have a few skeletons lying somewhere in our closets in the form of emotional baggage–an iconic image that represents the weight of all the painful memories we carry on our shoulders everywhere we go. These skeletons come in all shapes and all sizes, from unrealistic expectations to problematic trust issues.

Often times, we use the skeletons in our closet to build a cage around our hearts that will protect us from ever getting hurt again, but we also end up rejecting others from ever truly getting close to us. Is your emotional baggage doing you more harm than it is good? I guess that depends on what kind of man you are trying to attract into your life.

In my book, Understand Men Now, a woman’s guide to understanding men in relationships, I talk about six different types of men you will come across in the dating world. When it comes to emotions, most men try to avoid them like the plague, but some men may actually try to help you clean out your closet.

Here are six ways how a relationship ready man might react to the skeletons in your closet:

1. If he’s a nice guy, he’s more apt to accepting you as you are, flaws and all. He knows you have a few skeletons in the closet, but is willing to overlook them because he is kind, caring, and doesn’t mind helping you work through some of your issues, as long as it doesn’t stir up some of his own.

2. If he’s the bad boy type, he doesn’t really care how many skeletons are in your closet, as long as they are all in your closet and not his. He’s great to be around when you need a fun distraction from your issues, but he’s hardly the kind of person you can talk to about your feelings because he simply doesn’t care.

3. If he is somewhat of a Casanova, be forewarned that this kind of man will trick his way to your heart, pitting your skeletons against you and using them to his own advantage. If he seems too good to be true, it’s probably because he is. But if you do end up winning the heart of this guy, then he will be more than eager to come to your rescue and sweep you off your feet.

4. If a man has a few skeletons of his own hiding out in his closet, then it probably would not be wise to share yours with him. Sometimes, a man will focus on or highlight your issues to avoid dealing with his own, but this will only end up creating more emotional baggage in the long run. It might be safe to avoid this kind of man altogether unless you don’t mind sharing a closet full of skeletons.

5. If he’s an intellectual type, know that this kind of man responds better to logic and reason than to feelings and emotions. The only kind of baggage this guy will consider taking is a lightly packed carry on, in which case he may feel so compelled to help you clean out your closet and bury those skeletons so that they don’t haunt you anymore.

6. If he’s an awakened man, he won’t hold your past against you, but he may hold it against you if you’re the type who likes to dwell on the negatives, which can be total turn off for a guy. While the awakened man realizes and understands that emotional baggage is an unavoidable part of life, he may ask you to check your baggage at the door when it’s just the two of you. An awakened man would rather enjoy everything that’s good about you than focus on the bad.

Different kinds of men will react to the skeletons in your closet in different ways, depending on the woman. The more refined we become with age, the more likely we are to carry with us a few skeletons in the closet in the form of emotional baggage. The most important thing I want you to realize is that these skeletons are only a turn off initially, because how well a woman carries herself despite adversity is what really defines her character in the eyes and heart of relationship ready man.

When a man first approaches a woman, it’s true that most men are only after one thing. But if you want something different, like an exclusive commitment, then it is your job as the woman to set the standards for that new relationship from the very beginning. You see, there are two types of women the men go after – keepers and playthings – and the way you respond to a man’s advances is what sets you apart in the eyes of a relationship ready man. So if you think chivalry is dead, think again because you just might not be doing your part as a lady.

If you’re looking for a relationship ready man who is a keeper, then you need to be a keeper yourself. Here are a few things to consider if your want to separate yourself as a lady from all the playthings.

A lady is a woman of virtue.
A woman who knows what she wants and how she wants to be treated is incredibly attractive. A lady is the type of woman who knows how to be sexy without showing too much skin, and can hold her own in almost any situation she finds herself in. She is honest and upfront with the men she chooses to date, and she sets clear boundaries if a man is the relationship ready man she is looking for. Most importantly, she’s not afraid to let a man walk away if he can’t give her want she wants.

A lady commands respect and carries herself as such.
Everything you do or say can and will be held against you in the court of love. While most men really are after one thing, that’s only initially, because every now and then, when we discover that rare woman of virtue, she not only has our attention but our respect as well. She alone dictates how a relationship ready man is to treat her and how their relationship will progress on her terms.

A lady allows a man to be a man.
Men are very ego-driven. We may get into bar fights because of our egos, but we also fall in love because of our egos. We know we’re not perfect, but having the support of a woman who appreciates us anyways and values us as the man we have become really helps validate us as men. A real lady doesn’t insult her man when he messes up or does something wrong. Instead, she reinforces to him how strong he is, how smart he is or how competent he is at the things he does do right.

If you want a gentleman, then you need to be the lady a gentleman rightfully deserves because relationship ready men are essentially gentleman in search of their fair lady.

For the alpha female, finding a relationship ready man is relatively easy, so long as you’re willing to overlook a few minor factors in favor of the big picture – YOUR big picture, that is. Your ideal relationship could be right under your nose, but you’d never know it because you’re too busy adding to your checklist of relationships requirements that have nothing to do with relationships and everything to do with the relationship ready man that’s right for you. The relationship ready man for you may not be as tall, handsome or as intelligent as you might have envisioned, but he’ll make up for it in other ways if given the chance.

There are two types of relationship ready men that fare well for the Alpha woman, which you can learn more about in my book, Understand Men Now, your personal guide to understanding men in relationships. The important thing to note here is that both these type of men share one common characteristic. They are both Beta men who are usually attracted to the Alpha woman who likes being in control. Beta men are less dominant than their Alpha male counterparts and tend to be submissive in their relationships. When an Alpha woman pairs up with an Alpha male, there is often a power struggle for control within the relationship, which is why Alpha women have more successful relationships with men who are less assertive and more acquiescent.

If you are the type of woman who knows exactly what she wants and goes for it, then the Beta man is the perfect relationship ready man for you. He’ll worship the ground you walk on and treat you with the utmost respect because he values and cherishes you. He admires your courage and strength and places you on a pedestal because he feels lucky that you chose him. He knows he’s not the best looking guy or smoothest guy in the room, so he does everything within his power to make sure your relationship needs are being met, especially when it comes to satisfying you in the bedroom. A deep desire to please you is the Beta man’s best quality yet. This relationship ready man will be your biggest ally because he has no doubts about putting his complete faith and trust in you.

Do you want to be in control of your relationships? Do you want to be admired and treated with respect? Do you want someone who is willing to follow your lead and won’t butt heads with you? Do you want a relationship ready man who will support your dreams and help make them come true? Then try not to overlook the nice guy trying to start a conversation with you; he just might be the relationship ready man for you.

It’s the million dollar question if a committed relationship is what you are after.

Before I get into the meat of this topic, let’s first take a look at how most dating scenarios work out these days.

Say you meet someone from an online dating website, and your initial reaction is that you find each other mutually attractive; in fact, there is a tremendous amount of chemistry between you.

What often happens is the chemistry and sexual drive take over and you end up becoming intimate fairly quickly.

Now, if the sex and the intimacy are satisfying (better yet, off the charts), it may feel like love, and you may even believe that he wants a relationship with you.

But here is the scary part: Say he doesn’t call you after this amazing night of hot, fiery and passionate sex–what does it mean when he doesn’t call?

Does that mean he’s not interested?

Is he playing hard to get?

Is he playing games?

Or say you’ve been dating for a few weeks and are intimate rather often, but then he suddenly pulls back and says he’s not ready for a relationship–what does that mean?

Does that mean he’s seeing someone else?

Did you do something wrong?

Was it something you said?

You really want to know what all that means?

I’ll tell you what that means–NOTHING.

It means absolutely NOTHING.

How can you really expect any man to know that you are The One from a single encounter or a few awesome dates?

Let’s face it, ladies, there are way too many books about men and commitment to count, so you already know going into a date that men enjoy sex, variety, and freedom.

Why do you seem so surprised that he disappears on you without so much as a trace once he has had sex with you?

Come on, ladies! Own this BEFORE the date.

So how do you know when a guy is really ready for a committed relationship?

What signs can you look for as positive indicators?

It all starts with the 3 C’s: Communication, Character and Chase

Before I share with you the 3 C’s, let’s quickly establish that there is mutual attraction involved and the best way to determine attraction is through intimacy.

After all, the way a man kisses you or holds you can serve as a pretty good indicator of the way he might make love to you.

When it comes to chemistry, it’s all about the kissing.

If kissing your new guy is just totally hot or off the charts, this should be a good sign that the sexual chemistry will also be the same.

But let me point out, there are some cases when the sex might be flat but if the kissing is intense, so too should the sex.

Ok, so now we know there is chemistry and the sex could be good, but if you really want to determine whether or not he is worthy to take the chances of a potential relationship, then follow my 3 C’s:

Communication

This can take on many different forms via text, email, phone or in-person.

Does he communicate his feelings with emotions, or do his words reflect primarily logic and facts?

For example, is he more likely to say something like:

“I’ve been learning so much about myself these past few years of dating, and I feel as though my heart wants to make a commitment to one special person.”

or something like:

“Wow! We have so much chemistry between us, let’s have (more) sex!” It says more about a man who shares his feelings than a man who just wants to share orgasms.

Women seem to have a tendency to hear what they want to hear as opposed to what is actually being said to them, which is why communication is so important–it is essentially an opportunity to be present and to listen for signs that there is real interaction and that he is genuinely interested in you for more than just the sex.

You need to become a master at listening and determining the real person from his rhetoric.

Character

A man without integrity is a man not worth investing your time.

A man without character will let you down so many times that the pain to recover from this relationship may take a lifetime to repair.

Many men reveal in their dysfunction, sometimes known as the Bad Boy Syndrome, that while their charisma may seem charming; it is actually a disguise to lure you in the hopes that you might be the one to fix him.

Nine out of 10 times, the man who lacks character becomes the one who hurts you the most.

Some simple signs to watch out for in the beginning:

Does he call when he says he will?

Does he cancel plans at the last minute?

Does he only want to talk on his time and not yours?

Does his life seem flaky?

Does he complain about everything?

Does it seem like it is more about him than it is you?

While these might seem simple and obvious, how he shows up in the beginning of a relationship might be a reflection of his true character.

Chase

So far we’ve talked about communication and character, but what about the chase?

Men are competitive creatures by nature, so they love a good challenge.

That’s why the chase is such an integral part of the dating process.

If a man isn’t chasing you in the slightest bit, then he will most likely NOT go the distance when it comes to down to commitment.

Now before I get deeper into the topic of the chase, be prepared because this is going to be all about YOU.

I know this sucks because you don’t want to play games or do any work, but here is the deal: finding the man who is ready for a real, committed relationship starts with YOU, and the sooner you understand this, the better off you’ll be.

The CHASE is the KEY, and a man who doesn’t chase you will not be ready for a true, committed relationship with you.

Now let me be clear about the chase–it’s not the chase for sex.

I am talking about the chase for your HEART and whether or not he is even worthy of earning your heart.

A man who is ready for a relationship is not in the chase for the sex–he’s in it for your heart.

He’s ready to make the deposits of trust that will allow you to open your heart to a deeper meaning of love.

The chase is more about you slowing down the dating process because men can be in such a hurry for the sex that it might appear as if they want a relationship.

The chase is the courtship. It’s showing up worthy to earn your love, and taking it slow from your perspective, which is kind of like playing hard to get but without the guards surrounding your heart.

What are some you ways you can slow things down a bit?

When he texts, take your time to respond (now I’m not talking about all day, just a few hours unless there is an exchange of facts).

Next, don’t always be so available. Men are attracted to women who have a life, and the girl who drops everything at the drop of a dime might be considered to be too easy.

Another thing that really works is to communicate less than he does, which may be hard because women have a habit of talking more than men since they usually include all their feelings in the conversation.

When a man is ready for a commitment, he will start to open up to you about his true feelings by talking to you more and being fully present in the relationship in the sense that his actions and behaviors match up with what he says and communicates.

And if you want to keep him interested and continue on with the relationship on your terms, then it’s up to YOU to give him a little chase and make him work for your heart.

“How can you be happy in relationship, if you are not happy by yourself”

Look, I get it…. but let me just say this:

“I am SO much happier these days being in an amazing delicious relationship, being with a partner who I can just be relaxed (and especially vulnerable).”

For me the search for relationship was a personal priority, set with intention and I even created a LOVE Mantra to call her in to my life.

Now I should point out, you cannot make someone else responsible for making you happy nor can you imagine someone can give you lovability by loving you.

Happiness comes from within and one must be love on the inside to be able to receive love in an authentic way.

But I do think the joy in life can be amplified with a loving partner…..but I don’t think it’s the end all, be all or the final route to happiness.

So back to title “Does Your Man Make You Happy”

Can we agree that we can’t make someone else responsibly for our happiness, but being in a super duper awesome relationship sure is FUN.

So let me ask you, isn’t life just better when it is shared?

When it comes to creating a successful relationship, a true partnership leading to long term commitment are the majority of men just lost?

Let’s look at two factors

First men as providers and protectors, in the United States women outnumber men in the work force and in recent years, over 8 million men have lost their jobs which have led to a HIGH depression rate amongst men.

The second one is that we have fewer life skills and are walking around with our childhood wounds clearly in full bloom.

So is it any wonder men are lost these days?

If a man (or woman) wants companionship and sex, yet lacks the skills or experience to create a successful partnership…. does that make him a bad guy?

Just because a man may not have the courage to overcome his fears in the moment, doesn’t mean he is emotionally unavailable?

Let’s take a step backward…

Prior to the 60′s the relationship vision for men was marriage.

Clear cut, marriage was how we achieved companionship and sex.

Given the divorce rate and so many unhappy marriages, the landscape for long term relationships have changed.

Men & Women both crave attention, affection, companionship and sex

Men want love just as much as women

S0, how do we achieve that without the stress of the relationship destination getting in the way?