What Men Say is the #1 Mistake Women Make in Relationships

What Men Say is the #1 Mistake Women Make in Relationships

As a single woman wanting to know how guys think, don’t you wish you could be the fly on the wall in a man’s locker room?

When it comes to understanding men and hearing what we say about women, the locker room is the place. They know they can speak freely because in guy code, what’s said in the locker room stays in the locker room.  The locker room is a sacred place where men can say anything. And they usually do!

Allow me to be your fly on the wall for a minute.Guys In Locker Room

Imagine this, a couple of guys just finished a workout. They are a bit exhausted and ready for the steam room or sauna. They are kinda out of their “heads” and into their “bodies”

They are connected to their emotional side, not their logical side.  Wanna know what guys mostly talk about?

If you said sports, cars and work, you’d only be be half right.

The truth is, the minute one guy talks about women… the place goes silent.

Now you might be thinking, why does it go silent Jonathon?

Good question.

Well, for some men they live vicariously through the stories of others. And for others, they want to hear a good story and share their two cents. Men are competitive and they like to one up their friends when it comes to conquests.

Now this is all fine and good for those guys just dating (in the getting laid mode). You know, the 20 something crowd or the newly divorced guys over 40.

What about the guys in relationship?

Guess what most of them do?

Rarely do you hear men speak of how “in love” they are. Why?

It’s not in our nature to talk about lovely dovey stuff. Guys who are in happy relationships keep it to themselves.

What about the other guys, what do they talk about?  They complain. About what, you wonder?

Come closer to the screen.  You don’t want to miss this.  Take a deep breath.

They’re sharing their frustrations about women. And the #1 mistake women make in relationship, which is…


Yes, agenda!

The #1 frustration men have with women is when women have an agenda on where the relationship is going.

If you are single & looking, or in a relationship now, I’m sure you have done this.  Women often think in the future.  By contrast, men think in the NOW. Men tend to think in present terms not the future when it comes to relationships.  So the minute a woman has an agenda, this freaks guys out.

When it comes to where a relationship is going, men want it on their terms.  They want to set the course.  They often set the pace.  If you were attracted to this man in the early stages of relationship.  He picked the restaurant for the first date.  He planned the first trip.  He even decided when to call you his girlfriend.

He hopefully said “I love you” first.  (I know, you were biting your tongue on that one).

Men prefer to set the pace at every stage of the relationship. And you are attracted to men who take charge, who are leaders. So when it comes to where it’s going, why would you expect anything less?

Here is why.

Women often get to the destination of a relationship faster then their boyfriends.  Now I’m sure this goes back to the days of being little girls and hearing Prince Charming stories. Or planning your wedding with your girlfriends at age 13.  Whether it’s in your nature or all that playing as a child, where is it going is just part of who you are. You have a need for security.

Men don’t operate that way.

Growing up, the last thing we talked about was marriage. We talked about girls, but mostly how to meet and approach women.  In our teens and twenties, we were learning how to meet and have confidence with women. Mostly we learned by trial and error. I’m sure you have even met a few guys who didn’t have game, who didn’t have edge.  Some men are STILL learning how to have confidence with women and how to be in relationship.  But you are in relationship and you are frustrated with his pace. All your doubts about men and commitment rise to the surface. You are remembering many of your failed relationships and fear rears it’s ugly head.

Guess what? We pick up on those fears. So you have a double whammy going.  Your fears are pushing for an agenda and this expectation is scaring him away.

This is the #1 mistake you’re probably making with men. And guess what? It’s completely reversible and preventable.

To create a strong connection and be successful in a relationship with a guy, you must understand where he’s coming from. You have to understand how he thinks, what he’s feeling and what he wants from a relationship with you.  The better you understand your guy, the easier your relationship will be. For many women, starting the conversation of “where is it going” is the hardest part of a new relationship.  You want to know where you stand, and you want to get your guy to open up and talk to you.

The Relationships Men Commit To and Why is here to help on how to get your guy to open up and talk to you, and tell you how he feels about your relationship.

He may not like thinking you have an agenda, but there is a way to inspire a man to want to share his thoughts and feelings in a way that doesn’t freak him out.

Take a lesson from the locker room.

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7 Responses to What Men Say is the #1 Mistake Women Make in Relationships

  1. Tania Phan March 27, 2013 at 1:30 am #

    It’s so awesome to know above fact. You’re so great when you took us to come over men’s locker rooms. I’ll keep that in mind.

    Thanks so much for your post, Jonathon. Keep going!

  2. Wildkitten April 29, 2013 at 7:40 am #

    4-29-13 I don’t hate men or anyone else, but I am realistic and wise when it comes to not being fooled by a man. I know what they are all about. What women need to do first, is to love themselves and not be so too into guys/me/boys. Talk to your mom, grandmom, big sis, and other trusted females, about the cons of dating and marriage. There are not many pros, honestly.

    Dad is not a female so he does not know or care about what the female gender goes through. He may love you, but even as his daughter, he will not put down his male gender. So do not expect the total truth from him or any other man. He absolutely will not tell you the whole truth. Then love yourself and not be validated by a man. Get your career started and do not drop it for any man. don’t be so smiley and giggly and looking at his face like he is a piece of gold. The truth is men allow a sin nature to make them lose interest in us anyway after a period of time. They are constantly looking at other females in real life and the media. They constantly fantasize about other females, even those who you know. Do not read or trust any of the internet and book articles written by some female relationship counselors,who write these scolding articles to women about what we don’t do right. These will confused you and brainwash you, if you let them. These women claim to be Christian, but cannot be, because God wants men and women to love, honor, respect, and treat their mates correctly. It’s not only for the woman.
    Young females, trust me, I am not a troll, and I do not hate men. I have many, happy, appropriate relationships with all kinds of males. I do what I am supposed to do for those males, and I allow them to do the right thing by me, keeping in mind, that men and women are sooooooo different and that I should not change myself for any man.

  3. Erik July 2, 2013 at 3:41 am #

    He is right on this one though!
    Women seem planning machines sometimes. Planning out every tiny detail beforehand, while most men -me included- just ‘see where it goes’ and look more at the broader picture.
    I also think women look forward more to marriage, they see it as ‘making it real’, while men see it as ‘being stuck/ letting hardships begin’.
    And yes, agenda’s are scary.
    Just a while ago one bit my finger off, y’know. I’m never gonna touch one ever again! ;P

  4. ME October 13, 2013 at 7:21 am #

    I came across this article when I searched “why men say they love you when they don’t” because it’s annoying. This sounds like something from the ’50s. Not every woman is looking to marry you. The idea of marriage may be nice but reality is often far from it. Get over yourselves.

  5. Whoa Momma May 25, 2014 at 7:03 pm #

    So the “advice” this author has for women is: (1) if you have any hopes or expectations for the future, shut up; (2) sleep with him, take vacations together, shack up, but don’t confuse that level of intimacy as something that entitles you to any clarification about a shared future; and, (3) don’t be honest about your feelings, thoughts, or hopes, lest you spook him.

    That any woman would accept such terms is a testament to the devaluation of women that has been brought about by the feminist movement. In a saner age, if a man wanted to pursue a woman, he had to make his intentions known up front, and if those intentions were something other than marriage, he would have been turned down. Oh, how “sophisticated” and “enlightened” we’ve become.

    I’m always glad to warn my children about how sleazy the majority of people have become in matters of love, that they might avoid these pitfalls and seek out mates who will both respect them and be respected by them.

  6. Zo June 10, 2014 at 11:56 pm #

    So… Trying to figure out why men can’t keep their word and I come across this. By keeping their word, I mean that in the second month of a relationship… making plans becomes a tedious game of bull. Oh… ask em and they like you but can’t quite seem to show up when they say they will. When confronted it becomes a big whine fest over how I am getting too serious and they are freaking out. Errrr… Oh! You mean when you told me you like me and that we were doing something Saturday…. It means when you fail to call that I had an “agenda” and was putting pressure on you? Okay. I do not think this issue is mine. The 21st century man needs to catch up on some issues. Their issues to be precise. A whole ball of wax going on there that is a huge load of immaturity disguised in a “crazy woman” package of excuses, it seems. Who wants to date a flake that can’t just say no?

  7. Yes October 31, 2014 at 8:17 am #

    LOL. I am with the other women on this one. Where have good men gone? Men have become flakes. No time ever since now have men been able to meander without intention and purpose. Hmmmm, I think that there are plenty of articles about what has happened to our boys ie boys who can’t become men and of course it is a woman’s fault. The women’s movement was created because you could no longer trust a man boy to do the right thing. One man I dated tried to explain it to me like this – at 18 boys a maturity wise only about 13 whereas girls are maturity the same age they are (18 is 18). He tells me that it takes a man to about the age of 40 to grow up and make decisions to get married/partner and that is just how men are wired. So I ask him if he thinks men have become socialized by other men to believe this and he says no it is just how me develop. So … I kindly point out that it hasn’t been all that long ago that male boys of indian tribes were considered men at 14 and had a ceremony as such. Ohhhhh was his response. hahaha. Men don’t think much do they? Well, they like to buffalo women, they want to string women along and keep you chasing after them by offering scraps. Just something women have to be aware of and not get to connected and be ready to exit the relationship when it isn’t producing the fruits you want.

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