My Boyfriend Is “liking” Other Girls Pictures On Facebook

My Boyfriend Is “liking” Other Girls Pictures On Facebook

Facebook on ipad“Hey Jonathon, Should I be concerned that my BF “liked” a photo of a beautiful Hispanic girl’s profile pic, a FB friend he just recently friended, or am I being silly/looking into things too much? Mind you that he has never once liked a photo of mine. This is the problem with social media and having too much access into someone else’s life…I’m upset yet don’t know if I should say anything to him about it. I don’t want to come across as the jealous type. He tends to gravitate toward dark haired, dark complicated women. This is a girl he works out with at his gym…” Chrissy

 

If my girlfriend the therapist (Author of Chatting or Cheating) would respond, it might go something like this:

“Usually when jealousy arises it’s because we are feeling insecure. Are OTHER things also happening in your relationship that are making you suddenly feel insecure about his faithfulness? Are you recognizing there is less attention, appreciation, or affection, being exchanged? Has your relationship settled in and become a little more boring? These are not questions that I need answers for, but YOU should ask yourself. Perhaps it’s time to sit down and have a check in with you BF about how each of you feel about your relationship and how you’d like it grow and deepen.”

While my girlfriend is right on and there seems to be a hint of insecurity, there could be something else going on and here’s my take.

First off, he’s your boyfriend, right?  I am assuming you have both declared this and you’re exclusive in the relationship, right? You share regular activities together, like going to dinner and the movies. You have agreed to be monogamous sexually, right? In addition, is your relationship developing into a deep friendship? If all of the above is yes, then chances are there is nothing to worry about and this is merely a harmless “like” for a new friend.

Social media can be a tricky thing in relationships these days and the lines of friendship are getting further blurred with a simple “like” of a pic or a comment on a thread from someone who’s not your partner. This is the cause of much frustration and even insecurity. When a relationship feels off, it’s time to check in and speak up.

For example: I’m in a wonderful relationship with someone who I truly care for and cherish. She feels cared for and cherished because my actions demonstrate that, not just my words. We both are active on Facebook and I occasionally “like” a pic of a pretty woman. I also “like” quotes I see or videos I enjoy, the list could go on and on. What I also do is “like” and share pic’s of my beloved on Facebook. Our relationship is declared and we have no secrets. These are my actions that demonstrate my devotion to this relationship.

Secrecy is what I would be most concerned about but if he’s “liking” someone in plain sight, then it appears to me he is open and honest.

Here’s my recommendation, do what my girlfriend suggests and have a chat with him. Check in with him in a very calm manner and find out what really is going on and share your feelings. Think conversation, not confrontation and look for the “win win” for the both of you. You’ll be glad you did.

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8 Responses to My Boyfriend Is “liking” Other Girls Pictures On Facebook

  1. Brenda April 7, 2013 at 1:15 pm #

    HI. Sounds like he took Jonathan’s course that I took on how to establish interest in someone who is on Facebook. Of course JA meant it for people who are single. Have that conversation Dr. Sherry and JA suggest. Better to know now, than further into the relationship (yours and his) if he has straying thoughts.

  2. Jonathon Aslay April 7, 2013 at 1:20 pm #

    Thank you Brenda and yes for those who are single, “liking” pictures s a great way to make a new friend. However, if you’re in relationship and the activity doesn’t feel right, then share your feelings in a loving and positive way. When it’s resolved you can move on to more fun things.

  3. Maria April 19, 2013 at 6:04 pm #

    One photo? I wouldn’t be worried sweet.

    My boyfriend likes this one girls photos CONSTANTLY and her status updates yet can’t take the time to like ONE photo of mine when I post it! I mentioned it to him and he FINALLY liked a photo of me lastnight. He said he liked her photos because she was ‘travelling’. But they are not travel photos, all real close up selfie kinds. He’s liked over 20 photos of hers. And maybe 3 of mine lol and my pity like lastnight.

  4. insecure May 17, 2013 at 8:15 pm #

    Dear JA,
    You’re response to “boyfriend is liking other girls photos” sounds logic and calmed me down a little bit however, we are exclusive, have a little girl and another baby on the way, but we can’t be friends on Facebook because according to him we been there and done that and we always fight over something like whose that girl that keeps liking your status, pics,etc. so based on our past I’m still wounded and can’t fully trust him yet. Please help. Thanks.

  5. Jonathon Aslay May 18, 2013 at 5:16 am #

    Dear Insecure, Without trust, there is no relationship. You say you’re wounded, wounded over what? So let me ask you, has he done ANYTHING recently to suggest he’s unfaithful?

  6. LM October 2, 2013 at 6:12 am #

    I have the same insecurities. My BF…who I am living with…rarely contacts me on FB, even if I send him a sweet message. He never comments on my pics either. BUT he will “like” the pics of girls he used to have flings with….before us. Some of these girls he has sent flowers to since we have been dating and even gone as far as to send them a private FB message NOT to “friend” me beacuse he didn’t want me seeing thier contact. AS WELL as telling a woman (whom he still “likes” her pics as well) that she would be a threat to me if he ever visited Naples. Now,, am I being silly to be upset he is liking their pics????

  7. dear god December 14, 2013 at 7:44 am #

    Liking another girl’s pic, unless it’s your mom or close relative, when you’re in a relationship is really disrespectful, in my opinion. Its ok to find someone attractive but why would he have to like that picture? What kinda message is that sending to the recipient and what is that showing to the other people who sees that notification in their newsfeed? I don’t think he needed to go that extra mile especially because he never liked any of your pics. I think it’s a sign of respect to hold back on liking another girls pic, I mean come on, this is where infidelity starts bc people are too lax in their standards in their relationship. You have to give a shit about what the other person’s feeling, and it seems like this is a big issue to you, other wise you wouldn’t be asking for others advice right now!

  8. trustelvis February 28, 2014 at 11:11 pm #

    to the above, my partner of 4 years travels linehaul every night and leaves extra extra early,i do say theres no need for leaving so early and his reply is that’s the way he roll I always done this. and he can sleep where he meets his swap partner who is always late. so a extra 6 maybe 8 hours waiting for him.he says to me not to ring him after certain time becos he will be asleep but you can see at that time he was on the web and last time he used his mobile on fb or what other site, he does have a profile dating page that he had years before he met me and sees no attempt to take it off, I did look on his laptop and found he was on another dating site which what he wrote was really hurtful, but I tried to sweep it to the back of my mind because he got rid of that profile so further in our relationship im now feeling insure thinking I wonder if u are still on the dating sites and look when hes at work when he is suppose to be asleep hes on his iphone .well that’s the time im not suppose to ring, and liking other chicks pics or comments he never likes mine or even
    comments that annoys me, I have confronted him but there is always a excuse, excuses are like bum bums,, everyones got one. he tells me and he is the worst for the excuses and when I let him no why,when, he will say the excuse set on me when all I hear from him is a lot of excuses which I do use his line back to him so he becomes aware on these actions, which speak louder than his words, action first then I will become less insecure, it is disrespecting me and these secrets I feel he takes and keeps, this is shadey do u think?

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